Musings of Little Monsters
by Ciel the Hedgehog
Summary: Quick oneshot. What's the most dangerous thing a vampire and a ninja can do together? At Robin's suggestion, Cal realizes the answer; having kids.


**So...hi there! For those who don't know me, I'm Ciel, and I finally decided to write a fic for the Cal Leandros series -the best book series I've read this year.**

**I haven't written any fanfics in awhile, so I'm still getting into the swing of things...but I hope you enjoy this all the same!**

**Disclaimer: All the characters and whatnot here belong to Rob Thurman. I own nothing. Oh, and there aren't really any spoilers for the books, though this takes place after Deathwish. Got it? Good.**

* * *

I hated social gatherings.

Social meant people, and people meant everything I wasn't and didn't want to be around. However, though Promise was now in the business of monster hunting, she still needed to keep her appearance in the upper class social circle.

So, like the first time we met her, Niko and I were playing bodyguards instead of chasing things that go bump in the night. This time, we were at an art gallery, and Robin was along for the ride.

I still don't know why he insisted on coming. I think he was bored, and despite being a self-proclaimed sex god, he wasn't getting any action tonight. That meant he was annoying us instead.

While Promise was decked out in a fancy violet dress, the rest of us were backing her in black. Even Robin had some black cashmere on hand –I swear, how many closets worth of clothes does he have? Everyone else in the artsy crowd blended into a rainbow, so we couldn't all stay together as a nice black blob. Niko, of course, was up with Promise. I got the luxury of being stuck with Goodfellow. Our favorite puck was examining a fancy painting of old Greek gods, and was on a rant about how Aries was a…ah, screw it; like all his other conversations, I knew where this was going. Instead, I actually tried to do my job –gasp- and keep an eye on Promise.

I never realized it before hand, but I was used to seeing Promise and Niko together. Romantically, I mean. They weren't exactly a raging fire of passion; they were subtle, like with everything else. It was in the way they looked at each other, the way they held hands…cute, really. Not tonight, though. I'm sure it would be all over the papers if word got out that Promise hooked up with her bodyguard. Cyrano in the tabloids…now that's a complication I never thought of.

Apparently, Robin thought more than I did.

"They're a scary couple, aren't they?"

"If this is about Zeus and whatsername-"

"No, I'm talking about the scary couple right in front of us. Our scary couple."

I followed his gaze to Promise and Niko. If you knew where to look, you could tell they had something going on. Hopefully, the reporters in the crowd didn't.

"Do you mean scary as in deadly, or as in how alike they are?"

"Not just that." With a mischievous grin, he asked me, "Ever thought about what they'd be like…together?"

"I've seen them fight-"

"I mean like a mix of the two. I mean babies."

My mind took a minute to process that.

"Babies?...Can they even have kids?"

"Sure, of course." Robin had acquired a glass of wine when I wasn't looking, and I wondered if he had plucked it from his magical puck ass. "Think about it. If something like an Auphe can mate with a human –no offense- then a vampire would have no problem."

Again, the thought never occurred to me. For months, I had worried about bringing in my own half-monster baby into the world, but if Promise had Niko's kid…

For some reason, my mental image was this: Niko as a kid, which I didn't remember too well. He never acted like a child. I had photos, however, and my mind was brimming with a little blonde kid…with itty bitty fangs, sucking blood out of a juice box.

Or out of "Uncle Cal's" neck.

For that matter, how would that happen, anyway? One good night and a defective condom? Niko rushing to buy a wedding ring –he's too honorable to go without- and be wed in vampire-ninja matrimony? A pregnant Promise? That in and of itself was terrifying; my last incident with an expectant vampire mother ended up in an hour of running and screaming. Even Niko had reason to fear.

"See, that's the problem with human reproduction," Robin drawled on. "Now, if you really want some fun, what we pucks do is-"

"I'm not sure what's worse; listening to you, or trying to figure out what half of these pictures are supposed to be." If I had known colorful scribbles were worth millions of dollars, I would have saved my pictures from kindergarten.

"Hey, there are people all over the world trying to talk to a god. Consider yourself blessed to have me." He took a sip from his wine, acting like the pompous goat-boy he was…and to make things worse, and artist came up and actually asked if Robin would be his model.

I mean, Robin's bragging is bad enough. He doesn't have to go ahead and be right, too.

-=0=-

The night dragged on forever. I mean it. There was hours of milling around, staring at pictures that confused even Robin. Then there were speeches, artist introductions, more speeches, and more milling.

Oh, and my mind was still focused on vampiric ninja babies.

My mental image had a mind of its own, I think. Instead of acting like a regular toddler with his toys, he ran around with a fake sword and attacked the furniture. He didn't have human playmates, but got along fine with rabid werewolf pups and mummified cats.

And he still thought Uncle Caliban was the best uncle ever, for being a portable juice box. Sadly, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't imagine the tyke attacking Uncle Robin.

Either way, the art exhibition finally ended. We slipped out back with Promise, and prepared to part ways.

"The streets have cleared," Promise told us. "I believe I can make it home myself. The rest of you can head home."

"About time. I still don't get why kindergartener art was on display." That almost earned me a Niko swat to the head. In fact, the only reason he didn't was because he was lightly kissing Promise's hand.

"Right then," Robin said, fishing around one of his pockets. "I've got something for you lovebirds before we go. You in particular, Niko."

Our favorite puck handed Cyrano an envelope, before waving us goodbye and sauntering off. I thought he was walking a little faster than usual, but I didn't know if it was because of his "gift," or if he was scared of what Salome had done while he was gone.

The rest of us stared at the envelope. All it said was "From Robin and Caliban." I wondered why Robin would have included _me_, until Niko opened it.

It was one of the few times I ever saw him blush.

"…Caliban?" Promise asked. "Why is there a condom in here?"

"I'm not going to ask." Niko stuffed the condom back into the envelope, and slid it into his pocket.

"Really Cyrano?"

"Would I lie to you?" With a pause, Niko added, "We are, however, going to run all the way home tonight. I'll see you later, Promise."

And then he went ahead and started running.

"Bastard. Hell, his kid would probably like running too."

"What was that?" Promise asked, one elegant eyebrow raised.

"Nothing. Hopefully nothing."

Except for me killing Robin. And hoping the condom didn't have a hole in it.


End file.
